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Common Sense

There are often times when we should look at ourselves and reflect – this story may help.

The clinical manager of a new, state of the art institution specialising in the medical care of those with severe mental health conditions was showing an important visitor around the site. On arrival at the secure unit the Visitor asked “Do you have a set procedure for deciding whether a patient should be institutionalised?”.

“We have a psychological test that is very effective” replied the Clinical Director “The patient is asked to empty a bath full of water, they are given either a bucket a cup or a teaspoon to assist them in this task”.

“So the correct answer would be the large bucket, as this removes the largest volume of water within the shortest time” replied the visitor.

“No, the correct answer would be to pull out the plug” replied the Clinical Director “ Would you like a bed by the window?”

 ‘An Obituary for ‘Common Sense’


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain
- Why the early bird gets the worm
- Life isn’t always fair
- Maybe it was my fault

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as criminals received better treatment than their victims, and terrorists and illegal immigrants couldn’t be deported because of their human rights.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home, without being charged by the police and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after we bailed out the banks, had our wages frozen, libraries closed, services cut, taxes increased, but the bankers continued to get bonuses, and not one banker or politician was ever held to account.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 Step-Brothers:

…I Know My Rights
…I Want It Now
…Someone Else Is To Blame
…I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspiration Posters


Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.


If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.


Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.


Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity


A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.


Plagiarism saves time.


If at first you don't succeed, try management.


Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.


TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.


The beatings will continue until morale improves.


Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.


We waste time, so you don't have to.


Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!


Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.


A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.


When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.




Succeed in spite of management.


Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.



This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% of plepoe can

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but teh wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Brain Study.

  It took me a few seconds, but then I got the hang of it.   I've seen this with the letters out of order, as above, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers.

F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng ?
Good example of a Brain Study :  If you can read this you have                a strong mind :

7H15 M3554G3

53RV35 7O PR0V3


D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5 !

1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5 !

1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

17 WA5 H4RD BU7

N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3


R34D1NG 17


W17H0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,


C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

R3AD 7H15.


     Lateral Thinking . . .

1. ------------

Ans. = man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.
2. ------------

 Ans. = I understand

OK . . .  Got the drift ? Let's try a few now and see  how you fair ?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

4.   r  

Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ? Redeem yourself.

5.      cycle 

Ans. = tricycle

Easy to figure that one out ha!

6. ------------ 

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !

7. ------------

Ans. = neon light  ( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

8.                    ------------ ---
          feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

Oh no, not again ! !

9.  he's X  himself

Ans. = he's by himself

Now u messing up big time.

10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

    Not even close ! !

11. death ..... life

Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance ............ ......


Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbb ababaabbaaabbbb. ..

Ans. =  long time no 'C'



Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."


"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."



Little girl on a plane


A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit ?